


don't.

by epicallyducky



Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 14:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5379158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epicallyducky/pseuds/epicallyducky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>don't<b></b></b><br/> <br/>\ˈdōnt\</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Definition of <i>DON'T</i></b></p><p> </p><p>  <b>1: do not</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	don't.

**Author's Note:**

> it's been 3 months since i've last written septiplier. it feels like a lifetime.
> 
> also, can you tell that i love jack?

**_“I’m sorry,”_ **

**_“Don’t you_ dare _say that, Sean William McLoughlin-“_**

**_“I am, though-“_ **

**_“Don’t you_ dare- _“_**

**_“It’s too late.”_ **

Mark opens his eyes.

He wished it wasn’t.

He squints as the light from the hallway comes in contact with his eyes. He glances around, the sound of people bustling about and various intercoms making way to him. He reaches up to rub at his eyes behind his glasses.

Straightening himself in the blue hospital chair, he crosses his arms. His legs are asleep and he moves them slightly to get the blood flowing again.

Blood.

**_“Sean…?”_ **

**_No answer._ **

**_“Sea-?_ Fuck- _what did you_ do _?”_**

**_“M-Mark… you’re home…”_ **

**_“You fucking idiot-“_ **

He runs a hand through his pink hair, gently tugging at the ends. The door in front of him stares back at him; if Mark was crazy he would say it looked sorry for him.

Apologies are the last things he wants to hear right now.

Mark looks down the hall for any sign of Sean’s doctor. Not wanting to wait for him when he sees he isn’t there, he stands up, his legs almost giving out from under him. He mildly struggles to reach the door, both of his hands shaking when one of them reaches for the door handle. There’s a stinging at the corners of his eyes and he chokes when he pushes the handle down.

Pale room.

Pale boy.

When he steps inside the hospital room his hands do not feel like his own as he shuts the door closed. He sees Sean lying on the hospital bed; IV line attached to his arm. Sean’s other arm is covered in bandages and there are probably stitches underneath them. Mark’s hand flexes into a fist.

He forces his body to move towards the bed. His hands rest on the bed’s railing and his grip tightens at the sight in front of him.

Sean looks paler than usual. There are tired creases around his eyes and Mark hears the voices go off in his head.

_You weren’t there._

_You couldn’t stop him._

_What if this happens again?_

Mark’s jaw tightens and a breath escapes his mouth. Before he knows it he’s shaking his head and tears are falling from his eyes onto the white bed sheet. Sobs break free from him and he wants to be happy that Sean is alive and breathing in front of him but he can’t bring himself to.

**_“I’m sorry…”_ **

Mark feels like he should be the one apologizing.

“Hey… Stop that…”

Mark’s head stops shaking. He feels his heart race up into his throat and it’s beating so fast it feels like it’s getting bigger and bigger and Mark can’t seem to feel himself breathing anymore. He looks over to his boyfriend, who is smiling weakly at him.

“Sean, I-“

“I’m sorry-“

“Don’t _apologize,_ dammit-!” Mark’s voice cracks somewhere in the middle of the sentence, the feeling of shards of broken glass tearing into his chest. His knuckles turn white as his hands grip tighter onto the railing. His whole body is shaking.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,”

“You were out-“

“ _I should have been there!”_ Sean’s face twists into one of concern at the tone. His eyebrows furrow and his lips form into a line. He suddenly starts to push himself up from the bed and Mark’s eyes widen.

“What are you doing-?”

“Shut up for a sec, will ya?” Mark ignores him and reaches out to try and gently push Sean back down but the Irishman swats his hand away with his bandaged hand. Mark is sure that it would hurt to use that arm; the thought of Sean probably being used to the pain feels like the sky is being ripped apart right in front of him. The touch of a hand on his face brings him back to reality.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Sean is sitting crossed-legged on the bed, the arm with the IV line resting slacked beside him. Mark reaches up to hold the other boy’s arm, resting it on his elbow to avoid the bandages.

“It’s not okay, Sean-“

“I’m alive, aren’t I? That’s what you wanted.”

“But it’s not what you wanted,” Mark’s face quivers in front of him and Sean winces.

“Maybe, yeah; alright,” The green-haired boy glances to the side, then back at Mark. He moves his thumb to wipe the tears off of Mark’s face.

“I’m so sorry,” Mark whispers, hands coming up to cradle the other’s face. Sean smiles sadly at him.

“I’m sorry, too.” He says softly; lets out a breath.

“On the ride here,” Sean starts, “I could see you out of my peripheral vision- from the back seat.” He shakes his head. “I remember how concentrated you looked, it felt like we were going so fast I was worried we’d get into an accident.” A laugh rolls off his tongue and Mark takes a moment to whisper _“Beautiful.”_ in the back of his mind.

Sean starts up again. “I really felt like I was going to die, y’know? I felt ready for it. I’ve been ready for it for so long now and I actually felt relieved that it was finally going to happen. Then you came home, and I…” Sean swallows and Mark tilts the other boy’s head down to place a kiss on his forehead.

“I saw you in the doorway and thought- I just felt so _guilty,_ guilty that I hadn’t even thought of you in my supposed last moments.” He says. He sounds angry. “I asked myself if I was ready to let you go, and every inch of my body was screaming _‘no.’_ ”

“I’m so glad you’re alive.” Mark says suddenly, tears still flowing down his face. Sean looks up at him and Mark can see every ounce of love and admiration in them; he hopes it’s a reflection of what are in his own eyes.

“I’m glad you’re glad.” Sean laughs again and Mark can see the tears forming in the other’s eyes. It was like the ocean was trying to swallow the sky whole; Two beautiful beings swirling together to try extinguishing the sun only to fail, because the sun is too bright; too powerful.

Sean really was made up of beautiful things.

And Mark is willing to save every single one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't as immersing as all the others, i'm sorry. it doesn't seem complete, either. i don't know why i was so off my game today. hope you guys enjoyed it anyway


End file.
